Mirror, Mirror

 For the last couple of weeks I’ve been doing this weird thing. I seem to be looking in the mirror a lot and sort of checking to see if anything is different. I’m not sure what I’m expecting to see. That suddenly I’ll find there’s been a Cinderella miracle? Or that time has started moving backward and I’m getting younger? Or that I look worse than the last time I looked? That some new wrinkles have appeared? What is this about? Well, I think it’s because I’ve been interacting with some women recently whom I hadn’t seen in a while—and guess what? I think they look better than me!

I compare myself to others. Yes. Sixty years old and I’m still doing it, the adolescent behavior of measuring my worth by how I compare to others. I’m sort of embarrassed to admit it. Yet I think there’s value in being honest. It helps me to get the truth out in the open, and maybe my confession will help someone else. I do believe this comparison thing is pretty common in women, regardless of our age and stage in life. We all know someone (or many) we consider better looking, thinner, prettier, smarter, or more successful that we feel we are. After spending time with them we begin to feel negative about ourselves. I know this is a self-defeating behavior, and I don’t want to do it. So why do I? And how do I stop? Maybe the reason I compare all the time is because there is something in me, put there by God, that makes me want to live up to some standard. Maybe it’s just that I’m trying to measure up to the wrong standard—I’m looking to other people when I ought to be looking to God. What does God think about me?

I know that God loves me so much that He provided a way for me to escape the punishment that was due me because of my sins. I deserve death—eternal separation from God. But God through Jesus Christ paid for my sins on the cross. Jesus died for me. Internalizing that fact alone ought to be enough to raise my self-esteem. I am made in the image of God. “. . . God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). And I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14).

God doesn’t base my worth on how much gray is in my hair or how much I weigh or how toned my abs are or my IQ or how good I am at anything. True, as a Christian God’s Holy Spirit dwells in me, and because of this I should care for my physical body. But God is far more interested in what I’m like on the inside than the outside; He cares about the condition of my heart--the emotional and spiritual part of me. God cares about my attitude. Am I patient? Am I kind? Am I forgiving? Do I tally up the wrongs of others? How am I doing in the “selfless department?” Does my life reflect the God in whose image I am made? Am I living in daily dependence on Him, or am I relying on my own power to do what is right (and failing)?  

I think the next time I’m tempted to start “checking” I will take a few more steps past the bathroom mirror to my little home office and sit in my favorite chair and open the Book that reminds me of the truth about my value—and other nice things such as “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness” (Proverbs 16:31).

And maybe I will stick a note on my bathroom mirror that says HEART CHECK.