Get Up and Walk

At church on Sunday a few of us got into a lighthearted discussion about whining. You know, the poor me, nobody cares, I can’t, it’s too hard, I’m closing the blinds and going back to bed” kind of whining. We laugh about whining. We know it’s unproductive and that nobody wants to hear it, but don’t we all do it at times? When we whine, what is it that we are trying to accomplish? If all behavior is an attempt to meet a need, then what need are we trying to fill when we whine to others? Are we looking for validation? Do we want somebody to say they care? The thing is those platitudes that people try to offer when we whine don’t really help very much--maybe a little. But soon we’re back to our situation and nothing has changed.

Sometimes whining feels like our only option. We don’t know what to do, how to cope. We’re full of anxiety, discouragement, and maybe even despair. Maybe we’ve become depressed and are getting to the point where we don’t even care anymore. We stop trying. It doesn’t matter, nothing changes. We may be so tired of our circumstances that we withdraw from relationships completely. We  stop whining. We suffer in silence, and we isolate. We isolate ourselves from the people who love us, those closest even. In marriage many times when we’re hurting we build an invisible wall between us and our spouse. Maybe we even blame our spouse for the way we feel. On a personal note—I did this in my own marriage for a long time, and it only ended up causing me more pain. The desire to close ourselves off from others when we’re hurting is very powerful, irresistible even. And once we’re in that place, it’s hard to climb out.

I don’t have to tell you that human life involves hardship--times when we face major obstacles such as unresolvable conflict with our spouse, serious illness (our own, our spouse’s, or that of a child), a job change or job loss, a long-distance move that we didn’t plan on, bankruptcy, or any kind of life event that rocks our world.  When circumstances feel overwhelming we start functioning on an emotional level only. We begin living in “fight, flight, or freeze” mode, and we can’t seem to access our higher thinking—our “wise mind.” We withdraw and hole up in our emotional “safe place” and we want to be left alone. On some level we know that in order to get to a better place emotionally, we’re going to need to get out of the “safety” of our isolation, but doing so seems impossible. We are in a sense paralyzed.

In the Bible the Apostle John records an encounter between Jesus and a man who had been paralyzed for 38 years. There was a covered porch area around a pool of water near the temple in Jerusalem, where “crippled, blind, and lame” people would lie. From time to time a phenomenon would occur, in which the water of the pool would become “stirred,” similar to the way water moves in a hot tub or Jacuzzi. If a person would enter the water when the water was stirred, they would be healed of their disability. The man in the story would be brought to the pool every day, but he’d never gotten into the water. Jesus walked up to him and asked him, “Do you want to get well?” (Jn.5:6 NIV). The man didn’t answer the question directly but told Jesus that someone would always get into the water ahead of him, and that he had no one to help him get in. Jesus got right to the point. He told the man, “Pick up your mat and walk!” The man was paralyzed! He couldn’t get up! And yet that is what Jesus told him to do. The man tried to stand, and he found that he could, and then—he picked up his mat and walked! Jesus had healed him! (John 5:1-5 NIV)

Like the man by the pool we may feel powerless to change our circumstances--paralyzed. We may believe that living in emotional pain is our lot in life. We may be very broken by things we’ve done, or by what’s been done to us. We may have deep emotional scars; feel defeated; unable to rise out of our inner sense of shame. We may try to numb our pain—by constant activity or by using some substance, or by some compulsive behavior or some other addiction. Maybe it’s control—if we can just keep everything and everybody under control, then we’re okay—except we’re always frustrated because nothing ever seems to go the way we think it should.

How is it for you? Have you built walls around your heart? Are you existing but not really living? Do you “lie by the pool” day after day, waiting for that “stirring of the waters” that will suddenly change your life? As one who lay by the pool for a very long time, missing out on the best parts of life, existing but never really thriving--until I learned how I could change my life--I want to encourage you. You can have a different life—By putting your faith in Jesus Christ and making the choice to move forward you can get to a better place--but you can’t do it alone. We are created for relationship, and it is in relationship that we grow and change. Many people find great support in a Christian coaching relationship. Using a biblical approach, Christian coaching addresses a person’s spiritual and emotional needs, providing compassionate care and understanding, and gets results! The Christian coach has personal experience in the change process, and will walk beside you, help you gain insight into how to change, help you set and achieve goals, help you stop doing the things that are hurting you and help you start doing the things that lead to real healing.